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Justin Huang - Vancouver Seminarian
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During my first confession at age 14, 1 was struck by the qualities of my confessor. Fr. Frank Doyle, SJ, was a man of great peace, charity, and intelligence. I admired his whole demeanor and way of life, and I wondered if I would want to be a priest. Thus began my interest in the priesthood.
Other factors in my life began converging on this new, but distant, idea: attending a vibrant youth group, Life Teen, growing in the love of God, and wanting to help people the way God had helped me. Most importantly, perfection and holiness were what I wanted. And with a youthful innocence and simplicity, I thought, "If I'm going to help people, might as well do it right."
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Two years later in grade 11, I went to a high school "Live-in" at the Seminary of Christ the King. By now, I was seriously considering giving my life to God, and the seminary seemed the best place to discern this call. After two more visits, I thought about finishing grade 12 there. Yet the fear of leaving behind my family, my friends, and my worldly enjoyments, and the fear of watching the world pass by while I was up on a mountain, petrified me.
So Fr. Peter Nygren, O.S.B,, rector of the seminary, seeing that I could not make a decision, told me in a letter to wait a year until college. When I read his rejection, I knew that I would attend next year for sure. If I didn't, it would be because I wasn't trusting in God, and there was no way I was going to let that consciously happen.
I did enter next year and within two weeks, I was miserable. Loneliness and culture shock troubled me. I verbalized this to Fr. Peter, and he could see right through my fears. I could not reconcile my sufferings with giving my life to God. But Fr. Peter convinced me to see the year through with a Christian logic (i.e. trusting in God) that I could not refute. At the end of the year, I was loving it!
However, all throughout my discernment up to this point, I still had a desire to get married, and this isn't exactly compatible with the Roman Catholic priesthood. The conflict came to a head a year later. I tried to find any reason to prove that marriage was my vocation, but one thing was lacking: God's call and peace. I became so tired of trying to rationalize my supposed vocation to marriage that I made a resolution to discern God's call within five months, and to follow whatever He revealed to me. He answered within a few days by way of a deep, interior peace whenever I thought or prayed about the priesthood. This wasn't surprising since, deep down, I knew only one choice was compelling.
Ever since I made that choice, I have allowed God to bless me in numerous ways. His peace of soul is unique and incomparable. My choice hasn't wavered, thank God, and now that I've chosen, I'll wait and see if the Archdiocese confirms my discernment. I would say at this point that I'm as sure as one can get about wanting to become a priest. It is a precarious kind of 'sure', however, because I have to be willing to give everything I have into it, while being ready to change if God so dictates. However, it is also the most secure kind of 'sure', because the only constant in this equation is God, and nothing is more stable than He is.
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