“I realized that there was some thirst in me that cannot be appeased by just hanging out with friends. Then, very naturally, this led me into looking back upon my past and reflecting on my life.....I was not forced to respond, because Jesus lead me through an open door; I simply walked in.”

It has been three weeks since the first semester at the Seminary of Christ the King started. When I find myself singing in Latin at the choir stall in the abbey church with monks and other seminarians, it feels still unbelievable that a native Korean man, who flew here in Canada by himself only three years ago, became a seminarian of the Archdiocese of Vancouver. Did God call me to Canada? Or was I destined to join this seminary? Or did I ever realize that I would be a seminarian?

When the air flight to Vancouver was flying over the Pacific, on August gi, 2000, I felt that I was being afar from the Lord and the Church. For I was being afar from my family and friends with whom I shared spiritual life. It also seemed that I was running away from what I had pursued so far.

At first, these guesses proved seemingly true. For I started studying natural sciences rather than St. Thomas whom I had been studying at Yonsei University in Seoul, Korea. Moreover, my life had no difference with the friends and classmates at Simon Fraser University, almost none of whom went to church. I just attended Sunday masses. A new school, new friends, and living alone far from home for the first time in my life felt exciting.

However, the long nights during winter in Vancouver often left me in solitude. Moreover, as time went on, I realized that there was some thirst in me that cannot be appeased by just hanging out with friends. Then, very naturally, this led me into looking back upon my past and reflecting on my life.

One of the reasons to decide to study natural science in Canada was to start a new life that would be, I wished, less religious or philosophical, in other words, more practical and secular. But why did I want such a different life?

I had thought about vocation to the priesthood for a long time since high school. That was one reason philosophy was my major at Yonsei. In addition, participations in church activities always took priority in my life. However, even if always being close to the Church, the Lord seemed ignorant of me. He appeared let me not experience somewhat extraordinary moments that would be an explicit sign of vocation to the priesthood. Tired and weary of waiting for lo years, I concluded that God did not want me to do anything. On the plane to Vancouver, I even felt freedom from the obligation to search for my vocation!

However, thanks to the short daylight and the gloomy weather of Vancouver's long wet season, I "analyzed" and "pondered on" my vocation again as a former philosophy student. Nevertheless, these recounts and analyses did not render any light at all. Rather, they drove me to the same conclusion: priesthood was not the will of God for me. It was not really pleasant to be in spiritual thirst and in personal despair at the same time, especially in the all time foggy campus of SFU in winter.

Last summer, for the first time in two years, I saw my family in Seoul. Parents looked older than when I left in 2000. But, their only child, I, was still immature. One day, my former spiritual director, Father John invited to a lunch. There was another old French father at the lunch. Now, Two aged foreign priests who sacrificed their whole life in Korea, and a young Korean who studies in Canada had lunch together. The lunch was quiet. I observed the two old priests eating with Korean chopsticks and spoons. I felt something warm in my heart, which I could not explain in words.

After returning to SFU, I spared some time every day for reading the Holy Scripture as Father John advised me. At the start of the fall semester, a cousin of mine asked to pray for her taking a college entrance exam. Since there was not an enough chunk of time for me to seat myself and pray, I started saying the holy rosary during my commuting hours to SFU. Surprisingly, there was enough time for more than 2o decades of the holy Rosary every day! As saying the Rosary became a habit, I added more people families and friends to my intentions for more decades of the rosary.

One day in the beginning of this year, while I was "praying" in the street, so unexpectedly and naturally, I knew that I could respond to the calling of the Lord. Another "analysis" or "recollection" was not necessary, nor was hesitation needed. Jesus had been calling me all the time. He wanted me to talk to him through prayers and meditations, not through discovery by rationalization or necessitation. "I" did not have to make myself forced to response, because "He" would lead me and open the door. Now, simply I walked in.

Here at SCK, I am learning how to turn my daily life into a prayer. With Benedictine monks, seminarians gather four times a day for prayers and the Eucharist. Every activity starts and ends with prayers including even soccer and hockey games.

The Lord is always with us, with me. When I talk to him, he always leads me to what I would never imagine. The invitation to SCK was just one of them. I hope that the Lord will let me give my life for his work, just as the two old priests in the table last summer.
 

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