I clearly felt that I was being asked to choose one or the other. It grew more significantly as time went on. I thought I had made the decision. Earlier in my life I had often thought of the priesthood as a vocation, but I didn=t think I could make the sacrifice, or that I lacked the gifts necessary for priestly life. I reasoned that marriage was more likely my vocation. But almost as soon as the engagement ring was on her finger, I felt God telling me to make the decision more explicitly, as if I had to stand before Him and choose, priesthood or marriage. With a sense of urgency building, and the finality of marriage approaching, and without clearly discerning the priesthood-option, I understood that the wedding had to be canceled, at least postponed until my choice was more certain. Great timing, wasn=t it? Not funny.

I made three attempts to discuss the issue with my fiancée. She didn=t want to hear it. Finally, we came to agree that since studying for the priesthood would take a number of years, I could use that time to discern my vocation more carefully. If it wasn=t my calling to the priesthood, we could still marry later. So she let me go. It seemed like a simple and straightforward plan. However, it became more complicated.

The faculty of admissions at the Seminary of Christ the King accepted me for the 1983 school year. Within two years the vocation question broadened to include the possibility of the priesthood within a monastic community. The Benedictine life began to look attractive. In 1985 I entered the novitiate at Westminster Abbey. Four years later I was standing at the Altar, not to make wedding vows, but to place a scroll on the Altar, on which was written my religious vows, promises that committed me to a new way of life dedicated to the service and love of God. Only a few years after that did I kneel before the Archbishop of Vancouver, Adam Exner for the laying of hands at my ordination.

Did I make the right choice Y am I happy? Yes, I=m sure. I gave up a family, yet I have a larger family. I gave up children, but, as a teacher in the seminary, I have many children. And I love the priesthood.

My ex-fiancée has since married and has two beautiful children. I have always regretted the pain I caused her, and I have appreciated her understanding. She even encouraged me to persevere in my vocation. The day I left she held my hands, paused, and said, AIf you leave that seminary and marry someone else Y I=ll kill you.@



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