Farm Life - My Future
As an altar boy during my elementary school years, my parish priest spoke to me periodically about becoming a priest.

Though I and my family held the priesthood in high regard, the idea of becoming a priest just didn't take root in me. I had my heart set on being a farmer. I loved farming and looked forward to the day when the home farm would become mine. According to family tradition, I, the youngest, was to inherit the home farm. Another aspect of my life at this time that I loved and that I thought had great promise for the future was playing in a small dance orchestra. I began playing at dances and weddings at the age of thirteen. At first I played only the piano accordion, but later also played the saxophone. It was an experience of pure joy to bring happiness into the lives of the people who danced to our music. The happiness at these social events was usually enhanced by a home-made alcoholic beverage commonly called home brew or moonshine. I had my fair share of this magic joy juice.

After three years out of school, my future as a farmer looked even more attractive. The business of farming was improving and the prospect of mechanized farming was coming within reach. The thought of replacing horses with tractors, threshing machines with combines, horse and wagons with trucks, grain scoops with grain augers, pitch forks with hay balers, was very exciting. The future of farming looked promising and so did my future. I dreamed of a future with a wife, children and a fine farm. What more could a young man hope for particularly when other options were not available. But then, in one afternoon everything changed.

The Beginning of the Faith Adventure

One blistering hot day towards the end of July 1946, I and two of my older brothers were working in the bush, cutting down trees by hand with axes, thus preparing the bush to be ploughed under in order to make more arable land. At noon we went home for lunch. During the meal, my mother advised us not to go back to the bush right after lunch, because it was so hot and she was concerned that we could suffer from sun stroke. "Wait until about three o'clock before returning to work, she said and then added, "I will make dinner later tonight, so you can still get in a full day's work." My two brothers followed mother's advice. I didn't. I went back to the bush immediately after lunch. Why? Because I was ambitious! I wanted as much land cleared as possible. After all, the home farm would one day be mine.

Back in the bush alone, I worked hard. At a given point I had just cut down a beautiful young poplar tree in the prime of its youth. Hot and drenched in sweat, I sat down on the tree stump for a rest. As I sat there looking at the tree I had just cut down, an unexpected and unsettling interior dialogue emerged in my soul. It began with a deep feeling of sorrow for the young tree I had just cut down. An inner voice spoke to the tree, "You were in the prime of your youth, healthy, strong, and full of potential, and here I have cut you down. Soon I will lop off your branches, throw you on the pile from where you will be taken home to be cut up and used for fire wood. What a way to go!" Then another inner voice said, "Don't feel bad. When this tree appears before its Maker, it will be able to say, 'I have fulfilled the plan you had in mind for me.' What about you? Will you be able to say that too when you meet your Maker face to face?", the inner voice asked. I knew then and there that I couldn't. Until that point in my life I hadn't really thought of what plan God might have for me. I had made my own plans and was feathering my own nest. Relentlessly the inner voice persisted, "Like this tree, you are in the prime of your youth, healthy, strong, and full of potential. Some day you too will be cut down and will meet your Creator. He will ask you, 'What have you done with the gift of life I have given you?' When that moment comes, as surely it will, what would you want to be able to say?" After some serious thought, I decided that I would like to be able to say, "God I have tried as best I could to use the gift of life you gave me to serve You and to serve my brothers and sisters." Though I was absolutely sure that this is what I would like to say to God at the end of my life, I was deeply shaken by the realization that to become capable of saying that, my life would have to change radically. I would have to give up my dreams and say yes to God's plan for me. Then and there, deep within me, in my heart of hearts, I knew what God was asking of me. Then and there, I knew that I would never be at peace until I was ready to dedicate my life to the service of God and His people. Though I knew what I had to do, I was far from ready to do so. My whole interior rebelled and I began a vigorous battle against the idea of giving up my life dreams.

For the rest of the afternoon I worked feverishly in the hope that the pesty, unsettling thoughts that had invaded my soul would go away. They didn't. That evening I was very quiet at dinner and went for a walk afterwards, hoping for relief. No relief came. I went back into the house and picked up a Catholic magazine with the intention of reading the joke section on the last page, again seeking relief. The joke page was there, but the opposite page was filled with pictures and a strong pitch for vocations to the Missionary Oblates of Mary Immaculate! That was the last thing I needed! I threw the magazine away and went to the cupboard where the newspapers were kept with the idea of reading the comic section. That would help. As I was about to open the drawer, an inner voice said, "This is really bothering you; maybe you should ask some questions or seek some advice." I quickly decided that I wasn't ready to do so and opened the drawer. The newspapers were there, but for some unexplainable reason there was a prayer book on top of the newspapers. I had never seen it there before. The prayer book was open and in big bold print glaring at me were the words from the Gospel of St. Luke (11,9), "Ask and you will receive, seek and you will find, knock and it will be opened to you." This was just too much. I'd had it. I slammed the drawer shut and went to bed. Needless to say, I couldn't sleep.

For the next two weeks, I slept very little. The little sleep I did get was broken and fitful. Due to lack of sleep and rest, I was beginning to look more and more tired and haggard. Towards the end of these two weeks, one mid-afternoon, while hard at work, I dropped into the house for a drink of water. As I came in, my mother looked at me and said, "What's the matter with you? You look sick." At that moment I surprised myself by blurting out, "Mom, I have to leave home." "My God," my mother exclaimed, "You are sick. Sit down and tell me what is going on." I sat down and told her my story. She listened intently and then, with tears rolling down her cheeks, said, "I want to tell you something that I have never told to anyone before. Ever since I was a little girl, I have said a prayer to God every day, asking God to give me a good husband and children and asking God to take at least one of my children for His service. When you, the youngest, dropped out of school, my heart sank, but I didn't stop praying; I only changed my intention, saying to God, "If you don't want one of my children for your service, that is all right, but in answer to my prayers, please give a vocation to a child from another family." Then quietly and with a look that reflected deep inner joy and gratitude, she added, "Maybe God wants one of my children after all." At this point, all resistance within me melted away and I could say, "Be it done to me according to Your word." I had just taken the first step, a big one, in my faith adventure. I was now at peace with myself and with God and I could sleep again. But in subsequent days, ever so often tempting inner voices tried to frighten me, "What have I done? Am I fooling myself? Am I worthy? Am I capable? Is it worth it? Will I be happy?" Whenever these disturbing thoughts emerged, another inner and stronger voice would reassure me saying, "Do not be afraid. I will be with you. Trust Me. I will make you worthy and capable. Just cross one bridge at a time. Walk in faith. With my help, there is nothing you cannot do."

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